Only one person could go, and he will not return to Earth.

The first applicant, an American engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.

“A million dollars”, he answered, “because I wish to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a Russian doctor, was asked the same question.

He asked for two million dollars.

“I wish to give a million to my family”, he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was an Indian Engineer.

When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewers ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” the interviewer asked.

He Replied, “$1 million is for you, I will keep $1million, and well give the American engineer $1million and send him to Mars”.

Useless Loop Airport, Australia

Mafia Airport, Tanzania

Moron Airport, Mongolia

Ogle Airport, Guyana

Brest Airport, France

Eek Airport, US

Black Tickle Airport, Canada

Pickle Lake Airport, Canada

Raspberry Strait Airport, US

Airports that may offend

Old Crow Airport, Canada

Fukui Airport, Japan

Gaylord Airport, US

Pratt Airport, US

Shafter Airport, US

Dang Airport, Nepal

Ponce Airport, Puerto Rico

Fort Dix Airport, US

Tsili Tsili Airport, Papua New Guinea

Fak Fak Airport, US

Airports you may prefer not to fly to

Red Devil Airport, US

Asbestos Hill Airport, Canada

Deception Airport, Canada

Bloodvein Airport, Canada

Slave Lake Airport, Canada

Broken Hill Airport, Australia

Rifle Airport, US

Deadhorse Airport, US

Danger Bay Airport, US

Colon Airport, Panama

Strange sounding airports

Woodie Woodie Airport, Australia

Wee Waa Airport, Australia

Wagga Wagga Airport, Australia

Wuhu Airport, China

Gorom-Gorom Airport, Burkina Faso

Xingning Airport, China

Puka Puka Airport

Kar Kar Airport, Papua New Guinea

Muko-Muko Airport, Indonesia

Flin Flon Airport, Canada

Funny Sleeping Pillow : Exclusively for girls !

“Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy’s computer…”

Cell phone rings. Warne picks up.

Warne : hello
Bookie : I am ….... Here.
Warne : yes tell me
Bookie : how is the pitch
Warne : ya dry and good for batting
Bookie : I want u to loose today’s match
Warne : impossible
Bookie : I will pay u $200,000
Warne : will be difficult to make KKR win.
Bookie : I will pay u $250,000
Warne : May be I could help you by reducing the margin… u tell by what margin we should win… will be much more easier
Bookie : no KKR should win
Warne : OK. I will try my best
Bookie : no make it.
Warne : OK.
Bookie : what will be the score
Warne : 200, if we bat first
Bookie : no make it 120
Warne : Impossible. Agarkar and Kartik are playing.
Bookie : 120 no change.
Warne : I will try
Bookie : OK. If KKR bat first
Warne : 110
Bookie : no make it 175
Warne : no u are asking too much. Ganguli is playing.
Bookie : OK make it $300,000
Warne : This would be the toughest match in my life
Bookie : OK, deal is made.
Warne : yes
Bookie : bye.

Warne : hello
Bookie : its me. why did KKR score only 120. Our deal was 175.
Warne : What can I do ? They run one when they could run three, defend full toss, get out on wide balls, all catches and shots… I mean, if there is any… exactly directed to the fielders. But I will tell you this, Knight Riders are too good at this , I tried re-arranging the field…but they never miss a fielder.
Bookie : still u could bowl more no-balls. We got only 53 extras.
Warne : I asked all my bowlers to bowl badly. I also made Smith and Asnodkar bowl.
Bookie : Okay… leave that… I want u to loose the match.
Warne : I will try.
Bookie : Rajasthan Royals should be all out for 110
Warne : OK.
Bookie : bye.

Rajasthan Royals bats. They are making a serious attempt to not hit the ball and if at all they hit trying their best to hit to the fielders. They try to run only singles for doubles. But sometimes, they can’t stop themselves from running.
All Rajasthan Royals batsmen charged down to Kartik’s bowling and they purposely miss the ball hoping at least one
would hit the stumps. But they got to run a bye for that as McCullum is still searching for the ball . Inspite of the bad display of batting, they score 118 of 19 overs. Last over, 3 runs
required, the worst part is that its an Agarkar over. Warne is batting with Carseldine. Bookie gets really furious.

Warne is ready to face the last over his cell rings (he plays with his cell).
Warne : hello
Bookie : its me! . What are you upto ?
Warne : We tried the best we could
Bookie : OK forget it. I want u to loose the match
Warne : what can I do. Fate !!! Agarkar is bowling
Bookie : I don’t know… u are loosing

Agarkar bowls… Warne tries to hide his bat behind his back. But the ball hits the bat and goes to third man. So they take a single.
(cell rings)
Warne : sorry what can I do I was hiding my bat but still the ball comes and hit my bat. If I play much worse than this everybody will find out.
Bookie : (gets really tensed). OK I can understand. But please don’t take last two runs.

Warne talks to Carseldine. Agarkar bowls… a juicy full toss. Carseldine uses all his batting skills to restrict that one to a single. Scores are level.
(cell rings)
Bookie : OK. Past is past. Atleast finish it in a tie. I don’t know what u are going to do u are not taking a single or u give u’r bat to the umpire.
Warne : OK. OK. Don’t worry this time I will! see to it we are not taking the single. Let it be obvious also. I am not taking the single.

Agarkar bowls, unfortunately he bowls a no ball. RR wins the match.
Bookie goes mad and Shane warne faints in the field itself

Moral – With a team like KKR, who needs to fix a match

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

He asked one man, “Why are you eating grass?” “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.”

“Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you,” the lawyer said.

“But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree.”

“Bring them along,” the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, “You come with us, also.

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, “But sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!”

“Bring them all, as well,” the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “Glad to do it. You’ll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high”

2.Present Address:
(i.)Name of Jail: ____________ _________
(ii.)Cell Number: ____________ _________

3.Political Party: ____________ _________

*List ONLY the Last Five parties in Chronological (Order)

4.Sex: [ ]
A- Male
B- Female
C- Mayawati
D- Uma Bharathi

5.Nationality: [ ]
A- Italian
B- Indian

6.Reasons for leaving last party (circle one or more)
A- Defected
B- Expelled
C- Bought out
D- None of above
E- All of above

7.Reasons for contesting elections (circle one or more)
A- To make money
B- To escape court trial
C- To grossly misuse power
D- To serve the public
E- I have no clue
(If you choose “D, attach Certificate of Sanity from a
Recognized Government Psychiatrist)

8.How many years of public service experience do you possess?
A- 1-2 yrs
B- 2-6yrs
C- 6-15yrs
D- 15+yrs

9.Give details of any criminal cases pending against you (Use as many Additional Sheets as you want)

10.How many years have you spent in Jail? [ ]
(Do not confuse with question 8)
A- 1-2 years
B- 2-6 years
C- 6-15 years
D- 15+years

11.Are you involved in any financial scams? [ ]
A- Why not
B- Of Course
C- Definitely
D- I deny it all
E- I see a foreign hand.

12. What is your Annual Corruption Income? [ ]
A- 100-500 Crores
B- 500-1000 Crores
C- Overflow…
(Convert all your $ earning from Hawala etc to Rupees)

13. Do you have any developmental plans for India in mind? [ ]
A- No
B- No
C- No
D- No

14.Describe your achievements in space provided:
[_________]

Issued in public interest by Election Commission of India.

“Of course. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive! Electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, “And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father – - Next!”

2:I’m not really out of the office. I’m just ignoring you.

3:You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at all.

4:Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5:I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6:Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 or the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7:The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.’
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8:Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352ND place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi,I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by you PC for my response.

10: Hi! I’m busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don’t bother to leave me any messages.

11: I’ve run away to join a different circus.

AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

12:I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as ‘Loretta’ instead of ‘Steve’

(MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 am.

While his coffeepot

(MADE IN CHINA)

was perking, he shaved with his

electric razor

(MADE IN HONG KONG)

He put on a

dress shirt

(MADE IN SRI LANKA),

designer jeans

(MADE IN SINGAPORE)

and

tennis shoes

(MADE IN KOREA)

After cooking his breakfast in his new

electric skillet

(MADE IN INDIA)

he sat down with his

calculator

(MADE IN MEXICO)

to see how much he could spend today. After setting his

watch

(MADE IN TAIWAN)

to the radio

(MADE IN INDIA)

he got in his car

(MADE IN GERMANY)

filled it with GAS

(from Saudi Arabia)

and continued his search

for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging

and fruitless day

checking his

Computer

(made in MALAYSIA),

John decided to relax for a while.

He put on his sandals

(MADE IN BRAZIL),

poured himself a glass of

wine

(MADE IN FRANCE)

and turned on his

TV

(MADE IN INDONESIA),

and then wondered why he can’t

find a good paying job

in AMERICA

AND NOW HE HOPES THAT HE CAN GET HELP FROM A PRESIDENT BORN IN KENYA

SO, ONLY U CAN SAVE THE ECONOMIC CRISIS IN INDIA BY BUYING THINGS THAT ARE ONLY “MADE IN INDIA” !!!!!

Click for More : http://www.desihotmasala.com/2009/04/chimp-with-british-passport-bili-bonobo.html

The Business Section asked readers for ideas on “How Would You Fix the Economy?”

I think this guy hit the nail on the head !!

Dear Mr.President,

Patriotic retirement: There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force; pay them $1 million a piece severance with stipulations:

1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings – Unemployment fixed.

2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered – Auto Industry fixed.

3) They either buy a house or pay off their mortgage- Housing Crisis fixed.

All this and it’s still cheaper than the “bailout”.

2) I had enjoyed my life enough.

3) I couldn’t live without tension.

4) I wanted to pay for my sins.

5) I believed in the Bhagwad Geeta principle : karm karo , phal ki ichha na karo…

6) Everything in life has a reason; I wanted to prove it wrong.

7) I wanted to take revenge on myself.

Several ships were destroyed in this manner before somebody figured out what was happening. Once they determined the role that manure played in the explosions,

Everybody began stamping the bundles with the term “Ship High In Transit”, so that the sailors would know to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.!

Thus evolved the term “S.H.I.T,” which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day. You probably did not know the true history of this word. Neither did I.